


what do you see?

by kiyala



Category: Marvel, Thor (2011)
Genre: Angst, Community: angst_bingo, Loss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-17
Updated: 2012-09-17
Packaged: 2017-11-14 10:42:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyala/pseuds/kiyala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the Bifrost broken, there is little for Heimdall to do but reflect. And search for Loki whenever Thor asks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what do you see?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the "loss" square of angst bingo.

It can be difficult at times, when you are all-seeing, to notice the little things that are right in front of you.

If perhaps he had been a little more vigilant, Heimdall thinks to himself, he might have been able to stop Loki’s schemes before they got as far out of hand as they did. Perhaps, if he’d been able to stop it sooner, none of this would have happened at all.

There is little use for a gatekeeper when there is no longer a gate. Heimdall has his sight, but little use for it. Sometimes, when Thor is in the mood, he will walk to where Heimdall stands, at the very edge of the Bifrost, and ask him about Jane Foster. He does so with less frequency as time passes, unwilling to impose on her own personal time when she has no idea that Heimdall is watching.

Sometimes, when Thor is feeling desperately lonely, he will plead with Heimdall to search for Loki, to search every corner of every realm for the traitor that he still calls a brother. It is widely accepted on Asgard that Loki had fallen to his death, but occasionally, Thor becomes convinced that this is not the case. Perhaps Loki is hiding, he says to Heimdall. Loki was always so fond of staying out of sight—perhaps he is somewhere, just waiting to be found. Perhaps, if only they can find him and bring him home…

Heimdall does not have the heart to tell Thor that even if they were to find Loki, it is unlikely that they would reach him with the Bifrost broken. Besides, there is one simple fact that Thor is overlooking; even _if_ , by some chance, Loki is still alive, if he does not want to be found, then he won’t be.

Still, this is all that Heimdall can do now. There’s no need to watch out for any threats to Asgard when there is no way to reach it. There is no way to repair their relations with what is left of Jotunheim, when they cannot be reached. Heimdall can stand there and watch them regress to their tribal, warring ways, and at least this destruction is self-contained with the Bifrost gone, but it is still a distressing sight to witness.

Heimdall looks away, deciding that this time around, he is going to focus on what is in front of him, not thinks that are realms away. Not that Asgard is a particularly cheering sight either. Thor is moody when he misses his brother and despite the fact that his friends divert his attention most of the time, whenever he begins to miss Loki, he barely does anything else.

No matter how distracted Heimdall might have been, or how often he would purposefully look away, he knows that the affection that Thor and Loki had for one another went beyond any blood bond that they might have thought they shared. He doesn’t know whether Odin and Frigga are aware of this, and Heimdall doesn’t _want_ to know. He turns away when Thor is in conversation with his parents; he has no intention of intruding in on any more of Thor’s private moments.

It’s usually an unspoken truth on Asgard that Heimdall sees all that happens. On occassion, it is a big reason for why some Aesir find it difficult to get along with him, but most try to ignore this fact. They live their lives, doing their best not to acknowledge that Heimdall knows every little detail.

Thor comes to him one day, in the middle of yet another of his dark moods. Heimdall continues to stand at his post at the shattered edge of the Bifrost, because it is the one place in all of Asgard that he feels he belongs the most. For a long moment, Thor says nothing. Heimdall waits patiently, letting him gather his thoughts.

“You must think me a fool,” Thor finally says.

“It is perfectly reasonable to miss loved ones,” Heimdall replies.

“That is not what I mean.” Thor looks down at the stars and clouds beneath the Bifrost, as though if he stares hard enough, he will find Loki through pure force of will. “You must think me foolish for loving him.”

Heimdall sighs. “There are less painful options, I am sure. The mortal woman…”

“She is also beyond my reach. And whenever I miss her… I think of Loki, and I miss _him_ even more.”

Heimdall is unsure of what to say. His job—if he can still call it that—is to guard the realm, not to give princes advice on love that most would not even tolerate. Heimdall has seen far too much to be as conservative as others and perhaps Thor knows this and it is why he has come here, or perhaps Thor simply has nobody else to talk to.

“Matters of the heart are beyond anybody’s control,” Heimdall says. “You cannot help what you feel, not even when it causes pain. You are not a fool for loving Loki, or for missing him. I cannot presume to understand the way you feel for him and I doubt that others would, but you are not a fool for feeling as you do.”

“Thank you.” Thor gives him a small smile. “Is there any chance…”

“I will look for Loki again,” Heimdall replies with a small nod.

Thor watches him hopefully, as though he might see what Heimdall does. He is silent as he waits, but it’s difficult to ignore all the hope, all the fear of being disappointed once again. The fact that he still has hope at all speaks volumes of just how strongly Thor feels and just how difficult it is for him to move on.

He is so busy thinking of Thor that he almost misses the quick glimpse of Loki. He is on Midgard, looking ragged and desperate and covering it all up with a smirk.

He must tense up, because Thor immediately demands, “What did you see?”

Heimdall turns to Thor. “Summon your father.”

“Is it Loki? Have you found him? Is he alive? Is he well?”

“I will speak with Odin first,” Heimdall tells him. “That is my duty, and I shall stand by it.”

“I shall bring him here,” Thor says, his words coming out in a rush, already looking excited and terrified all at once. “I will return return as soon as possible.”

Swinging his hammer, Thor launches himself into the air, flying straight for the palace. Heimdall frowns, and turns his gaze back to Loki. He is no longer hiding himself, the way he must have since he first fell from the Bifrost. Perhaps he’s assumed that they have stopped searching. Perhaps he no longer cares.

All that Heimdall knows is that when Thor returns with Odin, they will not be returning to good news.


End file.
